Thursday, August 24, 2006

Whither Pluto?



It’s not every day your solar system gets remapped. And yet, today, a group of Really Important Men in Really Impressive White Coats have decided that Pluto shall no longer be named a planet. Instead, it will be henceforth named a “dwarf.”

Why don’t they just call it “Billy Barty”?

Trying to make Pluto supporters feel better, Irish astronomer Jocelyn Bell Burnell said, ”It could be argued that we are creating an umbrella called ‘planet’ under which the dwarf planets exist.”

Sure, Jocelyn … why don’t you just tell Pluto you still wanna be friends?

Did I mention ole Joss was waving a stuffed Pluto doll under an umbrella when she tried to make us all feel better? Oh, that makes all the planetary pain go away. Bitch.

***

In happier news, my blood sugar seems to be stabilizing in the high 90s, which takes me out of the diabetes danger zone. (Cue the Kenny Loggins music.) And my dietician has taken me off the Atkinsy-type diet I was on and put me on a more tradition, 1800-calorie, 300 carb-a-day diet. And, at the cost of stabbing my finger most every day for a week, I have learned how much I can “get away with” and maintain a healthy blood sugar level.

All in all, life is settling way down, which means you may see more of these witty slices of life, dear readers. “About time,” you say? I agree.

Monday, August 14, 2006

How I learned to stop missing muffins

In the past three weeks:

  • I have served a half-day of jury duty.
  • I have lost my Uncle Fred.
  • I have completed work on one of the most emotionally taxing work projects ever.
  • I have started seven more.
  • I have had one cheat night out of two-and-a-hald weeks on a low-carb diet.
  • I have lost somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 pounds. (Weighing someone in a wheelchair is an imprecise science, unless you happen to have easy access to a loading dock cargo scale.)
  • I have endured 12 hours of thinking I had lost one of my best friends (though not in the way I lost my Uncle Fred, thank God).
  • I have started exercising.
  • I have purchased three really cheap video games.

And those are just the highlights. Until I have time to dwell on one or more of these subjects, I give you a silly and, at times, disturbing video that has curbed my craving for blueberry muffins.


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